[LIFE DESIGN] Why is Change Hard & How to Make It Easier

Most of us have something we'd like to change or improve upon, but as Newton has shown us, inertia can be difficult to overcome. Part of this is because, as I've often explained on my podcast, humans are feast and famine animals. This is why we put on fat, to store calories for lean times. Our brain is designed to save calories for this very reason. This is why doing nothing is so much easier, because our brains are preset for energy saving mode. This is also why establishing habits are so powerful, because the brain seems to love habits even more than doing nothing because the energy savings are so high.

Watch/listen to the podcast episode here. https://bywdreams.mailerpage.com/124

Couple this information with the psychological framework known as the Transtheoretical Model of Change, and one starts to understand how to "trick" our own brains into the change that we consciously seek, but find ourselves unconsciously sabotaging. Medical disclaimer: I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. What I'm discussing is information that is widely available online, and then I'm sharing my own personal experience with the TTMOC.

The TTMOC is a 7-step process:

1. Precontemplation
2. Contemplation
3. Preparation
4. Action
5. Maintenance
6. Relapse/Recycle
7. Termination

1. Precontemplation mostly happens at the subconscious level. A person might start to notice that a behavior is impacting them in a way they don't like. One usually downplays the benefits of changing, justifying their current behavior, and can stay in this stage for years. They might start gathering information about changing their behavior whether it's exercising, eating, better, making their bed, however, consciously they still think that change is just "too hard" or "not worth the effort". Perhaps a person wants to start exercising but they have "no time" or "it's too expensive". In order to move out of this stage, a person needs to have a shift in perspective such as deciding that their health is more important than the cost of time or money to exercise.
2. Contemplation means that a desire for change has shifted from unconscious to conscious. You can still be in this phase for years. In my opinion, what shifts you out of this phase and into the next is setting a date. Personally I think the date needs to be far enough away that it's imminent but not scary close; I like 4-6 weeks.
3. Preparation is when you start initiation change in your life. You are actively living like the change is coming. You might even start making changes in advance of the date you've decided on. I think this is a great move because it takes the pressure off your chosen start date and gives you a "quick win" which helps motivate you to keep going. Read my blog post on "Maximizing the Fresh Start Effect" for more on this. I believe the more you do to prepare, the more you set yourself up for success. Some possible components of preparation include: finding an accountability buddy or a support group, researching other people's experiences making the same change you are implementing as well as familiarizing yourself with their obstacles. It might seem counterintuitive to think about the upcoming challenges, but knowing the worst case scenario can help "inoculate" you against feeling defeated when/if it happens. For instance, if you learn that nicotine cravings are strongest in the first week but diminish significantly after a month, you can prepare yourself to be diligent about avoiding any triggers the first seven days. In my opinion it is the lack of preparation that causes most New Year's Resolutions to fail. During this phase it can also be helpful to consider that it's sometimes easier to do a new thing than to stop an old one. For instance, instead of "just" quitting smoking, perhaps start eating carrots. Substituting another oral behavior might be easier than stopping without a replacement activity.
4. Action is the day you stop or start the new behavior. It's important to keep in mind that change is not a perfect upward trajectory; you might have stops and starts at first. When I'm working on a goal, I set a target number and then I mentally celebrate if I hit 70% of that number. For instance, when I started exercising after my father passed away, I had to start REALLY small with just one hike a week. I was very out of shape and a little depressed, so movement was not a priority. As my first step to get moving, I set a goal of 30 hikes in a year, but as long as I hit 21 I planned to reward myself with tea with my girlfriends at my favorite hotel in December because the holiday decorations are so beautiful. I actually exceeded 30 hikes even that first year and started doing other exercise as well because success is motivating! Once I felt the benefits of the hikes, I wanted to do more. I still have this hiking goal five years later and my goal is now 45 sunrise hikes a year. I'm sitting at 33 as I write this.
5. Maintenance is defined as six months of new behavior. You are feeling more confident that you can stick with this change, but it's important to stay honest with yourself and find ways to overcome any resistance you are feeling. This is where the accountability buddy or support group can help. As I mentioned in Step 4, success is motivating and you might find that after six months you want to "step up" whatever the new behavior is.
6. Relapse/Recycling which is a return to steps 4/5 (maybe even 3). Some experts refer to this step as recycling because relapse has a negative connotation. However, you will not be the same person you were before, so maybe getting back into the new behavior will be easy. I've had many health lapses over my lifetime, however, I've earned the knowledge that improving my health is always within reach, I just need to make the effort, and that has made it easier to restart my health journey every time I've needed to. I'd like to think that I've finally learned my lesson and I won't lapse the way I did after my father passed, but who knows. If your lapse involves behaviors that are harmful to you, experts suggest looking at what triggered you. Perhaps there are people or a place you need to avoid. You can read more about this here.
7. Termination is defined as a changed behavior that a person never wants to lapse from. For instance, I've been a bed maker for all of my adult life. However, part of why it's so easy for me is because I enjoy the look of a made bed. I find that joy is one of the best ways to keep myself motivated. If you've listened to my podcast, you know I have a dedicated skincare routine, however, I started my skincare routine less than ten years ago and it took me a long time to get it going. At first, I resented the time it required. However, when I added music, a candle, and I started feeling the benefits of my practice, I began to look forward to it. Now I can't imagine starting my day without it. Joy helped me establish it as a habit and keeps me motivated to continue the behavior. Perhaps joy can help you too! Find ways to make your new activity fun and see if that motivates you to keep doing it.

Hopefully this helps you as we head into the final quarter of 2025. If there is something you want to change, why not start the "preparation" mode now to set you up for success in 2026 and beyond. One other tip: considering making only one change. This will allow you to focus and give your brain time to get over its desire to save calories by inhibiting change. Once the new behavior starts to stick (perhaps in as little as three months) you can start implementing another change.

Watch/listen to the podcast episode here. https://bywdreams.mailerpage.com/124

#habitformation #goodhabits #newyearsresolutions