[MINDSET] Control What You Can, Release What You Can't🕊️

Sometimes letting go of expectations is the hardest thing to do. However, in my experience, being attached to your ideal outcome is a surefire way to set yourself up for disappointment. I've found that the best way to move through life without resentment piling up, is to learn to recognize when you've done all you can do. Here's my process for getting things done without being attached to specific outcome.

Listen/watch the podcast here: https://bywdreams.mailerpage.com/117

1) Do everything within your control to work towards that goal. When I was a college student, my goal was to graduate summa cum laude (3.9+ GPA), but ultimately I didn't have complete control over what grade my professors game me and there was very little room for error. So I did what was within my control. I never skipped class. I took excellent notes. I prioritized my assignments. I studied for tests. By the time finals rolled around, I had done everything I could so there was only one thing left to do: get a good night sleep and release any expectations. I had a ritual that helped me do this; as I walked to every final, I would have headphones on and I would blast Queen's anthem "The Show Must Go On" on repeat until I made it to my test. I always figured that if Freddie Mercury could write that song while looking death in the eye, I could face my tests.

2) Recognize your "finish" line. There's a point when you just have to "let go" of expectations. With my finals exams, I "let go" the night before when I tucked in for a good night of sleep. When I was planning my wedding, I "let go" of expectations a day or two before. Up until that point, however, I planned like a FIEND. I had a spreadsheet that was at least seven pages deep with timelines, budgets, seating charts, permutations of groupings for photographs, gifts received, thank yous to be sent, and so on. I was engaged for 18 months, so I had plenty of time to plan, but when the big day came, I had let go of expectations. In fact, I didn't even have flowers planned for myself the day of the wedding. My mom had a vision of a spider lily in my hair, but they are too ephemeral to get from a florist and we didn't know anyone with a bush. The morning of my wedding, my mom came to my hotel room with a spider lily in her hand. "Where did you get it," I asked? "There's a bush by the hotel pool!" she answered. Sometimes letting go isn't just a good idea, it's actually necessary!

3) Manage your mood and mindset. When you are stressed, your body releases a hormone called cortisol. Continually elevated cortisol is known to negatively impact human health. Sometimes, managing your mood is not only a good idea but it will actually impact whether or not you are able to achieve your goal, especially if the goal is related to your body. For instance, if you want to lose weight but you are stressed about it, that's going to be counterproductive as gaining belly fat is a frequent side effect of cortisol. When I entered my mid-30s, I knew that if I was going to ever get pregnant, it was going to happen within the next five years. I followed my rules above and I prepped the best I could (three years of no seafood and lots of cleansing), and then I recognized my finish line (sex without condoms), and then I managed my mood. I told myself, "If it happens, it happens. If not, I love my life the way it is." Science now shows us that there is a strong link between stress and fertility.

Final takeaway: Not only is managing your mindset valuable for your long-term happiness, but it can often be a key factor in achieving your goals.

Listen/watch the podcast here: https://bywdreams.mailerpage.com/117

Next week's topic (8/14/25): [BOOK SUMMARY] "The Dueling Neurosurgeons"

Two weeks: [PLANNING] Make Invisible Work, Visible